I do, now do I?

So last night was a lot of fun. Highlights of the evening include:

   A pair of friends donning Mitchell-brother masks and dancing in an unlit alleyway behind a pub, drawing a group of spectators, who after this had continued for several minutes, grew a little uncomfortable and backed out of the alley again.

   Another pair of friends discussing the inconsistent and ill-considered policies and statements of UKIP and their followers, but used bad sarcasm so the group of inebriated clowns (costumed clowns, not a reference to their behaviour) behind us seemed confused and slightly angry.  

All in all, a successful night of revelry. 

This morning a friend of mine tweeted about an article on the BBC website looking at the issue and history of women taking their husband’s name; a topic that I have mixed feelings about.

I think that it’s every person’s right to make that choice for themselves but the sheer number of women who still change their name, I think, shows that there is a hangover culture of possession.

The reasons behind name changing today are clear and practical, the wedding ceremony is a public declaration of love, fidelity and family and many people see the sharing of a name as a continuance of that declaration and unity. But just mention the idea of the name being shared could be the maiden name of the bride and the reaction you get is quite surprising. Men and women who seem fully committed to gender equality baulk at the idea of the groom changing his name, even if they have no issue with the bride keeping or changing hers. It seems to still be a woman’s issue, change your name, don’t change your name, but don’t ask me to change mine. This is starting to sound a lot like a culture where being married fundamentally changes who a woman is, but the change for men is less profound.

It would certainly be unusual to receive an announcement at work that a man, who had recently been married, will now be working under a new name and you will need to update all your contact details for him because his email address will be changing in accordance. Though that is not to say it is unheard of, the above mentioned friend’s family all use her mother’s maiden name.

Perhaps a sign of how ingrained the culture of ‘maiden’ names is would be that one of the most commonly asked security questions when you forget your password is ‘what is your mother’s maiden name’. That the given name of your mother should be so secret means that, not only must your mother be married, she must also have taken your father’s name. As a child of a married pair of parents with the same surname this had never really occurred to me as strange until recently. When you look at it again, in today’s culture where families come in all shapes and sizes this question seems almost ridiculous. What exactly would you put if you, for example, had two Daddies? And certainly the concept of security would be called into question if your mother’s maiden name was just your name.

Until I read the article this morning I had not realised that this was a British tradition which had spread. I was aware that in Spain and other Spanish-speaking countries often the tradition was for a child’s surname to be made up of a combination of both the mother and the father’s names. Whilst originally the first name had to be the father’s surname this is no longer the case and it’s quite common for the names to be changed round to whatever sounds best (I find the name with the most syllables first). With that in mind perhaps it’s time we start looking to other cultures for ideas on this thorny issue. That would certainly be my plan, even if it’s not a pressing concern for me right now. 

You can read the full BBC article here.